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Is it too soon?

I’m in the process of doing something I never thought I’d do.  Letting one of my children move out before they reach 18.

My oldest is 16.  He’ll be 17 in 4 months.  He came to me a few weeks ago and informed me he wanted to be emancipated.  Partially because he’s dealing with normal teenage issues, partially because he can’t get along with his siblings, partially because he feels he’s grown.

Now, he could emancipate himself, but I don’t want him to do that.  If he did that and couldn’t make it, there are a lot less options when he’s an adult for us to help him out.  Emancipation basically makes him just that, an adult before his time.  No way.

So, we came to an agreement.  He’s moving in with family, as a ‘renter’.  He’s still under his father’s and my guardianship, but will live in another place.  Stipulations are in place.  He must continue school and keep his grades up.  He must continue working and keep his bills paid (phone, gas in car, car insurance, etc).  We (his father and I) will help with food and he will do chores to help cover utilities.  He will be required to pay a small rent amount, so as to start getting the feel of paying bills.

His plan is to be on his own by graduation.  We will see.  A lot of this he came up with on his own.  And that is the main reason we are agreeing to this.  He calmly explained his plan.  How he would take care of bills.  How he will make a budget and stick to it.  And how he will continue to excel in school and his bowling.

It’s still going to be a big adjustment and I’m still going to wonder if we did the right thing.  He’s bound and determined to prove to us he can do this, so why not let him try?  At least, with him not being emancipated, he can still remain a ‘kid’ while trying to be an ‘adult’.

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About misscryssi

Welcome! I'm Cryssi. Designer, techie and mom of four children, grandmother to one beautiful little girl and one handsome grandson! I work outside the home and raise this wild brood in Iowa. I’m extraordinarily multi-talented. I can fix a car then head to the kitchen to make you the most delicious meal you've ever tasted! I'm supportive, honest, bold and outgoing.

3 responses to “Is it too soon?

  1. I'm feeling for you sweetheart.

  2. I honestly think this is a great plan and I feel like you are setting him up for success in his adult life. It's much better and loving than what happened to me at his age. My mom had separated from my dad and moved 300 miles away from home, taking me with her at the age if 13. Six months later she marries a pentecostal preacher (we were never religious before, and I didn't take too well in it all). At 16, I was put on a greyhound bus headed 300 miles back home because of my resistance to religion. With no plan, no guidance and full of fear. I was too embarrassed to reach out to my father because my Mom told me he was furious with me (which I later found out was a lie). I stayed with friends, faked my moms signature to go back into high school and found work where I could. I'm the only one of my cousins to not be addicted to drugs, graduate from high school and live on my own. That's one out of ten. It wasn't always easy but my will to prove everyone wrong was stronger than failure. I didn't post all of that to receive sympathy, but to show the other side of how stories like these happen. I think the care and concern you've approached this situation with will give your son the confidence he needs to succeed. He knows his family supports and believes in him, and that's amazing.

  3. Cryssi

    Yeah, I've seen how it can be, watching friends when I was younger. I just never thought one of my kids would want to move out so soon and that I'd have to be ready for it sooner than expected. I know it's a good idea to do it this way, but it's still hard.

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