I’m 37 years old and I’m still learning.
Still learning to let go of the past.
Still learning to communicate effectively.
Still learning to trust completely.
Something has recently happened that made me question myself, my relationship and my husband. He started talking to the first girl he dated. She found him via the friend who introduced me to him. I was very apprehensive, to say the least, about them talking. So, he told me he wouldn’t, but he did. Behind my back. It hurt when I found out, but why did he do it. He was curious about how her life turned out. She made some horribly bad choices that ended their relationship all those years ago. For all he knew, she could have been dead. So, curiosity started the conversations. She was curious about how he was, too.
What did they talk about? Me, the kids, our life. She told him about what all has happened to her. But, through everything, he kept bringing us up. How do I know? She told me when I called her and asked her why she was talking to my husband behind my back, given their past. She told me she’s happy for him and me and my kids. That she’s glad he’s happy where he is.
So, why was I so upset? My past. My history of being cheated on and treated badly made me react that way. Had I just taken a minute to realize he really didn’t care if she was single or with someone, if she was hoping for something with him again or even if she desired that; maybe I would have looked at things differently. Now, I am doing just that.
She made me realize I’m putting my past bad experiences on him and our relationship and I cannot do that if I want to have a healthy relationship. I love my husband, with all my heart. I love him more than anyone else in this world, other than my kids. I need to quit comparing him to my past. He’s not them. He never will be. He is my future. He is my now.